Your Future Self Wants to Come Back and Kick You Right In the Berries
But they can't - because they're using a walker!
Hey there,
Let’s talk about a big problem we all have.
We don’t take care of our future selves. Instead, we go with instant pleasure and immediate rewards.
And it’s hard. I get it. That cookie, that hour watching reels instead of pretty much anything productive, the five beers with the buddies. All these seem so important.
Fleeting pleasures that ultimately mean nothing.
These “joys” only last a few minutes, and we are left alone with ourselves again anyway. After that cookie is gone, what do we have other than an insulin spike? Nothing. We gave ourselves a drug high, and that comes with a crash. And a fat gut.
But. Pleasure is not happiness. Pleasure does not give meaning.
The one thing you have for your whole life is yourself. And that’s why you owe it to yourself to plan for your own future.
Picture it:
You’re sitting there on your couch holding your phone and staring at Tic Tac like it’s your god. Beside you is an empty ice cream bowl. Netflix is playing on the TV, but you’re not watching it.
Suddenly, static jumps around the room, and an ominous hum fills the air. A ball of energy forms, like the one in Terminator, where somebody comes back from the future. You sit there paralyzed, wondering if it will be a killer robot.
As the light dissipates, it reveals an old dude and his walker. His eyes lock onto you, and he painfully makes his way forward, one step at a time.
As this geezer moves towards you, you realize that you’re looking at yourself. But this version is in rough shape. He’s overweight, saggy, and has some severe mobility issues. And boy is he pissed off.
With a vicious expression on his face, he taps the walker into your leg. Pathetic effort, you think, but then you realize he is just that weak.
Present you: “What was that for? Did our future turn out bitter and sad?”
Future you: “You bet it did! Look at me.” He grabs his gut and shakes it. “You son of a samsquatch, you’re the one who turned me into this! I’m using a walker for frak sake! I got diabetes, vape lung, and a viral social media infection that is resistant to all forms of medication. All because you’re sitting around, staring at your phone, eating ice cream, and watching useless Tic Tac. When all along you knew what the frak you had to do. But did you ever think where you were gonna end up? No!”
Present you: “Hey, I gotta live my life. What’s the point if I can’t enjoy it?”
Future you: “Enjoy it! Enjoy it? Do you realize how long you’re gonna live like this? I’ve been suffering for 20 years already, and let me tell you, I’M NOT ENJOYING IT! I’ve got diabetes, a rash in my nethers that won’t go away, heart problems, and I can’t even bend down to touch my toes. For shoes, I had to buy them Sketchie pieces of shit that have a built-in shoehorn. I fell down and broke my hip because my legs got so weak from all of your bullshit-” points at you, “and I spent three months in the hospital with a catheter jammed up my business because I couldn’t get to the bathroom. I had to shit in a diaper. Does that sound like YOU ARE ENJOYING THIS?”
Present you: “Hey, this isn’t my fault - “
Future you: “Give your head a shake. I sure wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, was I? You are the one who put me here. Your daily lack of activities. Sitting around instead of going for a walk. Eating that extra snack, that extra cookie, that extra bowl of ice cream, that extra piece of pizza. Turning yourself into a processed food panzy, one bite at a time.
“Sure, you went to the gym once in a while. But you only focused on your arms and chest, and ignored your weak little chicken legs. You didn’t fall-proof yourself. You didn’t stretch or do yoga.”
Present you (whining): “Stop being so hard on me!”
Future you: “Why, so you can go back to your marshmello life? Well, guess what, in a few short years, you will be where I am. If you don’t do what you need to do now, you will regret it. And you’ll regret it for decades! You’ll wanna come back here and kick yourself right in the berries for this. But you won’t be able to, cause you’ll be stuck using this walker, and you won’t even be able to kick your own ass! So get off your butt, loser. You gotta take action now. Not tomorrow.”
Future you vanishes as time calls him back to where he belongs.
Time to Step Up
95% of us are letting our future selves down.
There are two main timelines in front of you: One where you do your best and take care of business, and one where you don’t.
There are no guarantees that Option A will be perfect.
But Option B, where you sit around staring at Tic Tac, eating cookies, and slacking off? It has a definite future.
My dad picked option B, and he’s not enjoying it.
My father went from independent adult to crippled victim in one failed step.
He fell and had an Intertrochanteric hip fracture, a few inches from the hip joint. That required surgery and two months in the hospital, wearing a diaper and a catheter.
“Wow, that’s rough. But he’s old, and these things happen. There’s nothing we can do to prevent this kind of thing!”
Not True.
It is true that aging is unavoidable. But, how we age? We have SO MUCH effect on that.
My dad did a few things to sabotage himself:
Lack of exercise. The only workout he was getting was lifting heavy coffee mugs.
Processed food diet
Sitting in front of a screen
And while he did these things, he constantly underestimated how long he was going to live. Now he’s still here, but he’s just existing. He sits around depressed, unable to even dress himself or wash up without help.
No shopping. No walks outside. He can’t tend his greenhouse. He can’t cook.
He can’t even feed his precious birds.
And there’s no end in sight. Day after day of sitting there, waiting.
How do you feel about living like this:
Have to wear pull-ups because you’re pissing yourself regularly
Need to use a walker so you don’t fall down, and you can only go about 40 steps before you wear out
Can’t put on your socks, shoes, or even a pair of pants that are too snug
Can’t prepare your own food, go shopping, or pretty much any activity on your own
Can’t wash yourself and need a nurse to come in and humiliate you twice a week while she washes your junk for you
Need your adult children to cancel their lives and come take care of you. This means now they are caregivers, so you don’t enjoy spending that time with them.
Keep doing this until you just can’t keep going
OR:
Invest in Your Health Like a Bank Account.
Make daily deposits.
Staying in shape is about building the physical and mental resilience to keep living life on your own terms. Every squat, every stretch, every step you take today is a deposit into your future health and independence.
Don’t wait until it’s too late to think about this. Eat a little healthier. Pick foods that support you.
Train, stay strong, stay flexible.
Put down the Tic Tac, the InstaSham, the FarceBook.
Go outside.
It’s up to you.
“I have to enjoy my life. What’s the point of living if I can’t eat what I want? I’m not changing. I’ll die young; it won’t be a problem. I don’t enjoy exercise. Me, me, me.”
Well, you can do what you want. But try to think of your future self. Are they going to enjoy themselves for the years, decades, that it might take them to kick it? They won’t, if you ruin their body for them.
