Where is the Eating Disorder Support For Men? Missing

Unless you know where to look

I ate three fast food meals. In three different parking lots. In one hour.

First, I had three Arby’s roast beef n’ cheddar sandwiches.

Still empty inside.

I drove straight to Wendy’s. A bored teenager handed me a double burger with bacon, cheddar, and regular fries. I found an empty spot in the parking lot and dove in.

As I jammed that greasy burger down my throat, a seagull landed nearby.

I flashed back to a memory of a seagull tipping his head back and swallowing a whole hotdog.

Today, I was that seagull. I was swallowing a burger without chewing.

The bird watched me with envy, waiting for me to leave him something—fat chance.

After a five-minute break to look at Facebook, I roared over to McDonald’s and got in line. I ordered a double quarter pounder, large soft drink, large fries, and ten chicky nuggies. I made it disappear like a politician vanishes after an election, without fulfilling any of those promises.

I was stuffed so full I thought I had damaged my insides. But I still felt empty.

Rock Bottom.

I realized I had to do something about this problem, or it would end me.

I went home and started looking online for help.

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Being a book nerd, I first looked for books about binge eating or emotional eating. I figured someone out there would understand what I was going through, so I found and downloaded a couple of popular eBooks with plenty of reviews.

It turned out these books were aimed at women, specifically. They were full of non-inclusive language that made it plain this was by women, for women, and no one but women would understand these problems.

Men that have eating disorders? Hah! Who do they think they are, trying to claim they have it rough in any way? Eating disorders are caused by the patriarchy! (This might be true, I don’t know. But it sure isn’t helpful.)

I figured maybe I just needed to look harder. I picked another book in audio form and started listening.

The author, a woman, claimed to have helped thousands of male and female people. So, I gave her a shot. She had some great ideas and stories.

All aimed at women, almost insultingly so.

I gave up on these books. I couldn’t get past the way they were written. It would be obvious to any reader who wasn’t a straight white female that these were non-inclusionary and insulting to anyone else who claimed to have similar experiences.

I hate to bring this up as a white guy who theoretically has all of the perks and is fully included in our society. But this “us versus them” mentality was shooting me down when I needed understanding and help.

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Anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, and other eating disorders make life unbearable. We see celebrities struggling with these, and we write them off as fame problems. Meanwhile, it isn’t just the famous. A massive chunk of the population lives with one of these daily.

But I never really thought of it as something that guys dealt with. Our social programming is so strong that everyone, men and women, thinks only of how diet culture and eating disorders affect those identifying as female.

Of course, all human beings are susceptible.

Do you know that guy who can crush a bag of nachos, an entire pizza, and some ice cream all in one sitting? That was me. Nobody questions it.

No one says, “Buddy, I think you got a problem.”

One girl watched me eat with a hungry look. She said, “You’re so lucky. You can eat whatever you want!” She looked like she was going to cry.

I bet she forced herself to stop at two olives and a rice cracker. She had food demons, too, but hers were the ones that starve you to try to fit into last year’s jeans.

That starts a downward spiral into a really bad place.

A healthy young guy might be able to pull off binge eating for a while. But maybe his poor liver, pancreas, heart, and stomach are on the verge of collapse. Maybe he has an unrecognized problem leading to serious health consequences later.

Too bad it won’t make him famous.

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My Inner Pig Squealed Even Louder

After I ran into all of the sexism wrapped around an eating disorder, it made my problem even worse for a couple of weeks. And yes, I know this was “all in my head.” Well, I have news for people who think things that are all in your head aren’t really real. The head is where the worst things can happen to us, such as black depression and self-sabotage.

“There must be something wrong with you. Men don’t get this problem,” my inner pig told me. “You can’t control yourself. Why even bother trying? No one understands you. You saw that in those books.”

The experience created some of the most intense feelings of self-loathing and hatred imaginable. So, I ate more slop. Get it in yah!

I half-heartedly checked out various online resources but couldn’t find anything right.

I was too embarrassed and ashamed to go into a doctor’s office or call a psychiatrist. I imagined them looking down on me like some subhuman loser. Like a pig.

I looked online again, but I searched for a local person this time. Not some sexist, stereotyping influencer. Not a doctor. Not a judging, nose-looking-down health care professional.

I wanted a caring human who could guide me out of this horrible mess I was in.

That was how I found Carlee, a diet and exercise coach.

Her prices seemed high. Until I calculated out how much I was spending on fast food in a week. If she could help me quit binging on all of that junk, I knew I would save more than enough money to afford her help. And what is my health worth to me? It’s worth a lot.

Over the following weeks, with her help, I regained control of my life and eating habits. I lost some weight, got back my energy, and saved a ton of money on eating out. I had a series of small wins with her simple and common-sense approach. It gave me confidence and pushed me to keep going.

Because I changed my lifestyle, I was no longer pre-diabetic and obese. I felt like a new man. That was why I decided that I wanted to do for others what Carlee did for me. I started studying and training to make it happen.

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Don’t Give Up! There is Help Out There

I know that right now, some person is struggling with an eating disorder, and they don’t know where to turn or how to get help. If you’re that person, you probably feel like there’s no hope and this is just how your life is. But there IS hope!

You CAN do something about it!

Don’t let pride or feelings of shame stop you from taking care of yourself. You owe it to yourself and those who love you to live a healthy, long life. You deserve to feel good about your body and your lifestyle.

There are options. The first step might be your doctor or other medical professional. They can get you started down a path to health.

Another way could be a health coach. I have available spots for those who are interested, and I can refer you to one of my contacts if I’m not a fit for you.

A third option that works great for many people is to join a support group online. This lets you see that you aren’t alone, that others share the same struggles, and that your situation can improve.

Especially if you are a guy who can relate to the above story, needs help, and doesn’t know where to turn, reply to this email or send me a Private Message on the Substack app, and I will set you up with some resources.

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