Evil Genius Life Hacks to Help You Achieve World Domination

Use these Secret mastermind methods even if you don't have a hidden lair in an old volcano

Secret mastermind methods to influence your future self.

Follow these evil genius mastermind plans, and you’ll be dominating the entire world in no time!

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One thing I know about myself is that I’m a lazy guy. I have trouble finding the motivation to put on pants and do the things adults need to do. But I have ambitions—so many goals and things I want to do!

After some trial and error and several accidents involving lasers and sharks, I went back to the drawing board to rethink my life. Eventually, I was triumphant. I found simple, effective ways to unleash my inner evil genius.

And because it’s fun, I use time travel too.

Forget everything you know about time travel. It isn’t necessary to channel 1.21 Gigawatts of electricity while traveling at 88 MPH. That kind of technology is great, but it requires constant tinkering. Also, you need a genius-level understanding of quantum physics, the correct invocations for the elder gods, and maybe plutonium.

Let’s think forward in time, not backward. After all, the past has already passed.

The future is much easier to manipulate. It’s just like setting up dominoes and giving them a push. They’ll tip over and create a chain reaction that will crush your goals like easily crushable things.

What is one fundamental problem we humans have?

Lack of motivation to adult properly.

Where do you find the drive to start new habits or projects and keep going until they’re done? It isn’t easy.

Let’s take the example of someone wanting to become a writer.

Yeah, You Might Want To Get Up Early Tomorrow To Write

That’s a great idea. Get up early and write that masterpiece. Or at least it seems like a good idea today. Your future morning seems bright and sunshiney and full of promise. You’ll get that novel finished just like you planned!

But that alarm will go off tomorrow, and you won’t be on board with that nonsense. The bed is so warm and comfy. Getting up would take effort and would almost hurt.

So you hit snooze about 6 times.

Oops, it’s too late. Might as well forget it, not enough time now!

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It’s The Same Story For A New Workout Plan

You might be all stoked to get the benefits of working out every day and be ready to start tomorrow. You pick out some exercises you will do and plan on 7:00 AM to get started.

Then, tomorrow arrives with a thud like a dead body hitting the floor. It doesn’t sound like much in the morning, does it? Here we go with the snooze button again. Oh well, tomorrow will “work out” better.

Same thing with after work. You decide to stop at the gym when you leave the office. But when it comes time to do it, to pull that trigger, you “forget.”

Or maybe you’re the kind of person who has an easy time starting a new routine and has a lot of initial motivation. Then, the shiny new wrapper gets ripped off and thrown in the trash, and the truth begins to settle in.

What the funk. This is, like, work!

The glow of newness evaporates in the hard glare of reality, like easily evaporateable stuff evaporating easily.

Now You’re Back at square none.

This has happened to me. In fact, it happened to me a ton of times. And if you’ve ever weighed a time, you know that a ton of it is a really, really big pile of time. It’s such a big pile that I keep it out in the north 40 acres of my evil mastermind lair beside my Bin Of Broken Dreams.

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After Years Of Failure, I Invented My 5-Step Evil Mastermind Future Manipulation Protocol

Pretend that I have you tied up right now.

I’ve got you bent over the nuclear reactor that I plan on blowing up — as soon as I tell you my plans. I laugh like a crazy evil scientist who laughs in an awkwardly funny yet sinister way. Meanwhile, you are forced to listen to my monologue.

You can futilely struggle against your bonds now if you wish.

Here’s how the habit-forming plan works.

At this moment, you can decide what your future self will do. But you don’t pay the price right now. Deciding today that you will get up stupidly early tomorrow costs you nothing! It only hurts your future victim.

This is your big chance to use your evil genius for good. Manipulate the future by tricking your tomorrow self into being an adult.

You can devise traps for the future that will force you to become the hero of this story. With the right motivation, you will break through those ropes in the future and stop that reactor from exploding!

Or at least you could get up early and write, work out, or even just eat a little more protein.

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Evil Genius At Work — Example

I practice yoga every morning. However, developing this habit wasn’t easy. For a long time, I struggled to get up early enough to do it. It seemed almost impossible, as I was always running late and had no time for it.

I knew the physical benefits would be amazing if I could just get on that mat every day. I really wanted to do yoga. So I had to get creative.

Every night before bed, I started setting things out. My task was to make everything so simple that even a brain-dead morning zombie could pull it off in his sleep.

I was using YouTube videos for my yoga. Before bed, I located the next morning’s video and got it ready to play — no risk of getting sidetracked by funny fail videos and wasting time.

I placed the yoga mat in my way, rolled out and ready. This trap was simple. I had to step on it to get to the bathroom.

I changed my alarm tone to something entirely different so that my subconscious mind would be “alarmed” by the difference. Then, I set a second alert, also with a new tone, for five minutes later. This one was just a backup. I was trying to break the old snooze button routine I had fallen into over the years.

I got a sheet of paper and wrote “YOGA!” across it, and put it beside my phone as a reminder.

After all of my preparations made, I settled back in my evil overlord's lair (my bed) and waited for future me to spring the trap. It turns out that I didn’t have long to wait due to unconsciousness while sleeping.

The first week was rough. I hated getting up forty-five minutes earlier than before. I cursed my evil past self for signing me up for this bullshit.

And then I got out of bed each morning and did the thing.

Here we are, several years later.

I’m like a trained Pavlov dog, minus the salivating. I just get up when the bell rings and I do the yoga. My body is in amazing shape and my peace of mind is through the roof. Was it worth the effort to build this habit? I would say YES!

I didn’t stop with yoga. I started using these tricks for other things I wanted to do more consistently, like meditation and writing. I was surprised to see that they worked for most of them, too.

And now here I am, proud owner of several life-affirming habits.

These hacks work! It uses your decision-making at the front end, where everything takes less effort, and puts the grunt work at the end, where you can now use less willpower.

Planning to do something is easy and fun. Setting traps for people is also fun, especially if no blood will be involved. Why not engage with your inner evil genius and mastermind your future?

You could join me at the Evil Genius Tradeshow next year. I’ve already got my booth rented!

Optional tip: set up a wall with many red strings, pins, and pictures. Plot out the course of your future self and use this to plan your traps. But be aware that if anyone discovers your string wall, you will have to answer some questions.

Have your alibi ready.

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1. Make Your Plan

A successful evil genius needs to plan well. The bonus is that it’s pretty easy work—way easier than actually doing the planned things.

Drill down to an actual goal. Don’t just say, “ I want to be a writer.”

Too vague.

Instead, you want something like “ Write 500 words a day” or “Write from 8:00 to 8:30.”

If it’s about working out, a goal might be “One workout Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday off, workout on Friday and Saturday, Sunday off.” Or maybe “3 runs per week on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.” You could plan for 8000 steps a day. You might want to target 30 pushups on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.

Be specific!

Now, write those goals down. They’re no good in your head. Start your evil genius files. Log it in your ledger to make future self pay the price.

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2. Find A Way To Keep Track Of Your Goal

One method is to use a calendar and cross off the days with a big, satisfying X. You could also use the reminders app on your phone. The idea is to get a mini reward after you complete the activity, a small dopamine hit for crossing off that day or ticking that box. There are many to-do list apps for phones that would work well.

This will also help with your mastermind preparations. As you sit in your lair, looking at the calendar and the progress marked on it, you can feel how the world is submitting to your machinations. Now, rub your hands together with glee and say, “Good, good.”

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3. Make Everything Painlessly Easy

Everything needs to be as easy as possible. You want to follow the path of least resistance so that before you know it, you are ready to start the new habit. We must avoid getting sidetracked by small, silly things.

If you are a writer, then the tools of the trade need to be ready. The laptop should be set up at your desk or table, plugged in, and the mouse right there. You don’t want to struggle to get going, right?

The absolute best start would be to pick the headline, or chapter title, the night before. Then, have a few writing points on a sticky note or pad of paper. If you use music while writing, ensure your headphones are ready. Now all you have to do is put your butt in that chair and go.

It’s the same for a new workout habit. You can have your workout clothes ready; all you have to do is put them on. Your music playlist should be locked and loaded. Write out the reps, activities, and weight sizes so you can glance at them. Set up workout apps so they just need to be opened.

You want to show up and lift that heavy stuff or do those reps without wasting time fiddling with your phone trying to get the app started.

Runners, you can plan your route the night before. You can set out your gear and check the weather to pick the right clothes. You can make it super simple to get out there and do it.

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4. Make Your Alarm or Reminder Hard to Ignore

As a budding evil genius mastermind, you’re learning to be highly capable and crafty. Use these traits to outwit your morning zombie self.

The old “put the alarm on the other side of the room” trick keeps coming up because it works. It helps to change your ringtone, too, and while you’re at it, set multiple annoying alarms that just won’t let your future self sleep in.

Here’s a technique to try if you sleep with another human being. Ask them to make sure you get out of bed when the alarm goes off. All they need to do is put their feet on your body and inexorably push you toward the edge of the bed.

You would be amazed at how many girlfriends, wives, boyfriends, etc, will be eager to help you with your plan. Not only will they really enjoy shoving you off the side of the bed, but you are almost guaranteed to wake up fast.

Leave yourself a big-letter note that says, “Do your workout, you slacker!” Put the note where you will see it, like on the toilet seat lid.

What if the new behavior isn’t first thing in the morning? You still want to set an alarm the day before. For example, say you want to write at 9:00 a.m. daily. Set an alarm for 8:50 a.m. to give yourself a chance to get that cup of coffee and get in there. Use the second alarm for the actual start time.

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5. Use Hints, Clues, and Reminders To Lead Future You To His (Her) Doom

One of the best uses of time travel is sending messages to the future. Use this trick to your advantage. You will force your target to bend to your will every time.

A good evil mastermind always finds ways to torment his victim. One of my favorite activities is writing myself a message on a sticky note and leaving it where I will be sure to find it, like on the bathroom mirror or the toilet seat.

Leaving notes in books for yourself can be a great evil surprise. Some of us have giant stacks of “to read someday” books. Slipping a few hidden notes in your next upcoming reads will be sure to remind you of your tasks.

The coffee maker is an excellent note location in our house because it is used daily. I always go here first thing in the morning. Any messages sent from the past will be received along with a dose of caffeine to reinforce the mental programming.

You can leave notes on your car's steering wheel or on the inside of the driver’s door.

I even leave them in my pockets. I write my goals on these notes to remind myself of what my evil past self has planned for my life.

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An Evil Genius Mastermind Makes Reality Conform to His or Her Will

Okay, I’ve given away some of my best mastermind secrets. How about in a year we meet up? You can show me your evil lair and your wall covered with crisscrossing red strings and such. We can toast your accomplishments in future engineering and self-trickery.

I have personally tried each of these hacks. I’m one of the laziest people I know, but I’ve written three books, started meditating, and do yoga every day. Now, I’m working on my kettlebell and workout habits.

After I get those locked in, I plan to work on world domination.

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Do you have any evil genius tips and life hacks? Let me know so that I can add them to my red string wall.