What to Do When You Can't Avoid Stress
Join my experiment in handling it better
Hello, readers
How’s your stress levels? I bet they are at an all-time high.
A few easy ways to drastically reduce your stress:
Quit your job and live on a beach
Smash your iPhone with a sledge hammer and don’t replace it
Start a golden retriever retreat
Go on a 10 year vacation
Unfortunately, most of us can’t do any of these things.
So what can we do about stress? Do we just soak in it like a hot dog left in a pot of water on the stove? Nope. There are things we can do to affect our stress levels, manage them better, and come out at least okay if not on top of the situation.
I invite you to a stress reducing experiment.
Here are a few techniques that I begged, borrowed, stole and invented. These have worked for me. I tried them all out in stressful workplace scenarios.
I’ve been in rooms with butthurt, emotional people. A few times, that was me. I used these when talking to an angry client. I’ve used them when my workload was huge and deadlines were approaching.
I’ve used them when I was in a heated “discussion” with family members.
I’ve used all of these stress tools and I’ve done better. I won’t lie to you and say these can fix everything. What they can do is reduce the stress to a level where you can get by.
I’ve used them in the quiet, depressed times too. When I was suffering from food addiction and binge eating, one of these tools helped drag me back off the edge of the cliff.
These might work for you too. Why not give them a shot? Tough moment with the toddler? Try The Three Breath Grounder. Flat tire? Use the Will It Matter In Two Months Method.
If you experiment with these, please let me know how it goes. Your comment on this post might help someone else who needs a boost.
The Three-Breath Grounder
When you're in the middle of an intense and stressful environment, using three deep breaths can be a powerful tool to help reduce stress and ground yourself.
Step away if possible. Or, just become aware of your chest and stomach and stay where you are.
Take a deep breath in through your nose, focusing on drawing the breath deep into your lungs. Hold it for a few seconds.
Slowly exhale, and let your stomach relax.
Take two more slow, deliberate breaths and focus on the sensation of each inhale and exhale.
As you breathe, notice the sensations in your body, the sounds around you, and the feeling of your feet on the ground.
After the third deep breath, take a moment to check in with yourself. Notice any changes in how you feel - you may find a sense of calm or increased clarity.
This is an easy way to find yourself mindful and in the present moment. It works especially well in boring meetings!
The Mandalorian Method
Actor Pedro Pascal has a specific trick he uses in intense situations to keep his anxiety under control. It’s very simple and anyone can use it, not just Mandalorians like him.
He places one hand on his stomach and breathes slowly. He has been overheard explaining to his “Last Of Us” costar Bella Ramsey that “My anxiety is right here,” while patting his chest.
For best results, combine the hand on your chest, stomach, or arm with the 3-Breath Grounder I guarantee this will help you.
The Laces Out Method
I worked with a guy name Justin (not his real name!) who was so hard on himself all the time. He used words as a weapon against himself, and he would say things like this when he made a mistake.
“Ohhh, Justin! Why are you so stupid!”
“Justin! Why do you keep fucking up!”
We all hated the way Justin did this. It was uncomfortable and stressful. I decided to try to help, and ended up with the Laces Out Method.
It goes back to that classic movie, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. It’s a major plot point, based on the idea that a football player should put the laces of the ball on the side facing the goal posts when holding the ball for a kick.
Here, it’s not about laces, it’s about camaraderie.
Every time I saw Justin struggling with a tough situation, I said, “Justin! Laces out!” and he would smile and stop mentally abusing himself for a second. Soon, every time I saw him, Justin was saying “Tim! Laces out!” when I came into the room.
Everyone there was reaping the benefits of NOT hearing Justin bitching himself out.
You don’t have to use “Laces Out.” What you need is an inside joke to defuse tension in the workplace or elsewhere. Pick a phrase to share when the going is tough, to encourage, to lighten the mood. It helps reduce everyone’s stress. Movie quotes and pop culture catchphrases are a good place to look for ammo.
The Magic Question Method
You’re probably sick of hearing about miracle mornings, morning routines, and special morning people who pop out of bed at 5:00 AM to do meditation and ninja yoga before composing a sonnet and rebuilding the engine on their Delorian.
Let’s try something simple in the morning instead. All you have to do is ask yourself a magic question. it will distract the subconscious mind and have it working on the question instead.
Try for something positive that will reframe your entire day. Here are a few samples:
“How can I make my husband (or girlfriend/ boyfriend/ wife/ spouse/ best friend/ boss/ son /daughter) smile today?”
“What can I do to have a good day at work?”
“What are my best qualities?”
“What are my sexiest attributes?”
“How can I make someone else’s day special?”
A leading question like this can transform your day. It works because it gives your subconscious mind something positive to chew on. It loves to find answers to your questions. The subconscious mind will move heaven and earth to show exactly how to make someone else’s day, and what parts of you are sexy, and how to get your kid to smile because of something you did.
Will It Matter In Two Months Method
This is a great way to reframe a situation that you are struggling with. Imagine yourself two months from now. Will this problem still be driving you nuts, or will it be all wrapped up and meaningless by then? You can go one step farther, and imagine you and a friend laughing about how serious you thought it was, how it was ruining your life and making you miserable, but it was in reality a pretty small problem in the long term.
“Haha, remember that Inspection Test Plan I was struggling with, Luke?”
“No, I don’t remember the details of that meaningless PDF document, Tim. Did it change the world?”
“Nope! The world doesn’t even know about it! They don’t have a clue what an ITP even is. We printed off a hard copy and put it into that storage room they call the black hole!”
“Wow, I guess it wasn’t worth getting so bent of shape over then, was it?”
“No! Turns out it was almost meaningless in the scheme of things!”
The Happy Place Picture Method
Do you have a few pictures stored in your phone of happy times and places, your dog, your girlfriend, pictures that make you smile every time you see them?
Print them off and frame them, set them as your background, or email them to yourself. Use them during your break to get your mind off of your troubles. Take a moment to actually look at the picture and feel the emotions it brings up.
The Cookie Jar Method
You can use the cookie jar method of David Goggins to get through tough spots. Here’s how that works.
Think of a few of your best achievements, memorable moments, and high points in your life. Then, when the going gets tough, pull one of these out of the cookie jar and go through it mentally, getting the feeling back and giving yourself a boost.
Some of my cookie jar moments:
Running a fundraiser for a local food bank and raising some cash and food
Published a book!
My 3-year-old daughter happily bouncing on the trampoline I just put together
A special day with friends backpacking in the Rockies
The look on my puppy’s face when I get home from work (I haven’t had this puppy for years, but it’s such a good memory)
The Glorious Purpose Method
One thing that can help you deal with stress effectively is to have a purpose in your life. You are doing things with a bigger purpose in mind, you can find the strength to deal with all kinds of obstacles, and that includes things stresses that would normally put you over the edge.
A single parent that needs an income, for example,can find a way to get through a stressful work life because they have an overarching glorious purpose. They need to support their family.
A student who has to work part time in order to pay for their schooling, is much more engaged and able to deal with stress than a person who doesn’t need that money and could just quit.
You don’t have to rely on outside purposes. You can create your own purpose, and you could use that to deal with stress and force your way through.
I made up my own Glorious Purpose, which includes Health Coaching, helping others reach their full potential, and writing. In order to meet my goals, I need a day job to keep income rolling in. I can get through a lot of situations because everything I do is a means to an end, a way to fulfill my Glorious Purpose.
What is your Glorious Purpose? Why are you doing what you’re doing? Use that to reframe your experience.
If you have a purpose, and you keep it in mind during tough, stressful situations, you are no longer a victim. Now you’re an underdog, a hero, a survivor.
Hero’s and survivors are good at handling stress.
The Superman/ Wonder Woman Method
This one is super effective to use right before you enter a tough or stressful situation, such as when you have to give a presentation, confront a roommate that keeps drinking the milk right out of the jug, or go into Walmart to pick up a few items.
Stand somewhere that no one will bother you for two minutes. Put your hands on your hips and assume the Super Pose for 120 seconds. You instinctively know what this confident, powerful pose is. Stand tall and look straight ahead.
Feel your power. You can handle anything!
A power pose will lower your cortisol levels, so it will effectively reduce your stress level if you stand like superman.
Now walk into Walmart and kick that butt.
The Experiment
I mentioned an experiment. Would you like to join me? Look for opportunities this week to use one of these stress reducing techniques. The possible outcomes are:
Have more fun
Reduce stress
Get better results in life
Another thing that can happen is that those around you will be slightly less stressed too. And that is how we can make the world a better place.
Do you have any stress reducing tips you’d like to add to my list? Share them in the comments!
One big way to reduce stress is to emulate
, who has stopped consuming the news. That’s a step I’ve taken myself, and it’s been nothing but wonderful. The news doesn’t stress me out since I have little idea what’s supposedly happening, and at the same time I still can’t do anything about it, just as if I was actually paying attention! A win-win!
I know a lot of people think breath work is foo-foo but I gotta tell ya...it works. Just stop, stand still for a minute and take a few deep and mindful breaths. It truly does help you re-enter. These are all really good tips. I'm going to give a few of them a try. And then go to that Golden Retriever retreat 😁
Such a great collection of strategies here, Tim. Thank you for this. Bookmarked for future reference and sending to others in times of stress.
Although the idea of taking a sledge hammer to my iPhone is growing more appealing by the day 🤪