Hi, My Name is Dick, and I Can’t Get (It) Up

Don't just blue pill yourself. This is a warning sign.

Photo / ViValenty/ Shutterstock

I roll back over to my side of the bed.

“What’s wrong?” She asks.

“It’s not gonna happen,” I mutter.

"She sighs, then says, “It’s okay. Try again tomorrow night.”

What will be different about tomorrow night? Nothing, I think dejectedly.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. I’m just a human with certain body parts. This post is for entertainment purposes only. Seek medical advice for any health problems.

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Sex isn’t everything.

But when you both want sex, you both get all worked up, and the mind wants sex, and you just can’t get out of the starting gate, it’s pretty hard emotionally.

She’s grabbing you and trying to help, but you’re about as ready for action downstairs as something that is never ready. You feel betrayed by your own body.

If you made the first move and she was into it, you feel like you let her down. Like you shouldn’t even bother. So you might back off and stop touching her. It can overflow into the rest of your relationship pretty easily.

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Male anatomy can be a great indicator of how the body is working, it’s general physical status. If the flagpole is up, all systems are go. We have a green light. Proceed!

If the flag won’t go up, something is going on. That’s what you call a red flag. Stop and reassess.

Imagine you had a nice sports car. You’re out driving, you hit the gas, but it won’t speed up. The engine light comes on as the motor sputters. Car no go fast.

So you take the car to the mechanic. He looks at it for a moment and says, “Huh! Does the engine light come on when you want to drive like that? I have medication for you.” He writes you a prescription. “Whenever you want to drive fast, drop one of these in the gas tank. See you next time!”

You fill your prescription. Next time you want to drive fast, the engine light is on again. So you pull over, drop a blue pill in the tank, and everything is fine. That engine roars, and off you go.

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Did You Just Blue Pill Yourself?

If you ignore that engine light and keep driving your car, dropping blue pills in the gas tank once in a while, then you run the risk that SOMETHING is gonna happen. You don’t know what, though, because that mechanic never ran the right diagnostics.

So, what could cause erectile dysfunction?

• Low testosterone levels

• Stress, trauma, relationship troubles

• Fatigue, drugs (smoking, alcohol, too much caffeine, hard drugs)

• Insulin resistance or pre-diabetes ( which causes high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, and chronic inflammation)

Low testosterone can be age-related. Over time, men’s testosterone levels fall. They also take a hit if the guy never sleeps, has a high-stress job, or has a poor diet. And testosterone levels can take a real hit if he is insulin resistant and has chronic inflammation.

Stress and relationship troubles go hand in hand. All of these things tie together.

How tired is he? Has he slept properly? Is he overtraining at the gym?

Is he getting along with his partner?

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Insulin Resistance, Pre-diabetes, and Chronic Inflammation

This is the elephant in the room. If a human being eats garbage, their body gives them garbage results.

Eat the wrong foods, and you get insulin resistance. That leads to all the bad things. Chronic inflammation. High blood pressure. Heart disease. Erectile dysfunction.

That’s what I’m telling you. If you can’t get it up, you might be prediabetic.

The doctor probably won’t tell you what causes any of these problems.

He might give you statins, blood pressure medication, antacids, and Viagra, though.

Here is the mechanism that causes pre-diabetes or insulin resistance:

A human eats food with carbohydrates, such as sugar, wheat flour, rice, or potatoes. Or even worse, Frankenfoods. His body sends insulin to the cells to handle the incoming carbs. Some get burnt for energy, and some are stored as fat.

This crazy human keeps eating more carbohydrates and processed food than the body can handle. The insulin keeps getting sent out, but the cells are getting used to it. So, the insulin levels go up and up.

It’s like a mother who is telling her kids to clean up and be good. At first, they jump to and listen.

But after a while, they just don’t jump anymore. So, Mom starts yelling.

“Andy! Put that box down and stop being mean to your sister! Julie! Get off the railing!”

Mom yells louder every day, and eventually, she can holler at them full blast, and they barely notice.

That’s how your body gets with insulin. It just isn’t listening. And at that point, you have chronic inflammation. And THAT can give you low testosterone levels. But the high blood pressure, now, that is just as much of a problem to the extremities. This includes your dick.

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High Blood Pressure is No Accident

An unhealthy Standard American Diet (SAD) causes you a lot of grief. One side effect could be high blood pressure. Your doctor will immediately give you drugs to solve this problem.

But! Your body dialed up the pressure for a reason. Why are we just treating the symptom, doctors?

Imagine the fine blood vessels in places like your toes, your fingers, your…. penis.

These blood vessels are tiny. So if there’s a problem, like, say, all-body chronic inflammation, blood flow gets cut down. Imagine these small, small blood vessels unable to allow that life-giving liquid through.

Your body is no dummy, and it’s doing the best it can.

YOUR BODY: “What, the blood can’t get through? I’ll just dial up that pressure until it FORCES its way through. Yeah, that’s gonna cause some damage, but what else can I do? I’ll fix the damage when I got time. If that clown ever stops eating all this deep fried garbage, that is… What, he wants to use his penis, too?!? I’ve got bigger problems here!”

So your body turns up the pressure. That’s another red flag. The solution? It sure isn’t medication. It’s a lifestyle change.

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My Story

I’ve had this problem off and on since I turned forty. It’s like clockwork for me. My bedroom tools stop working whenever I gain more than twenty pounds. At first, I thought I was getting old, and it was pretty depressing. But it turns out I was getting inflamed and unhealthy. If I lose the weight, Tah Dah! Everything goes back to full capacity.

I’m not afraid to admit it. I’ve used the blue pill. But now, I’ve also learned the truth about the SAD (Standard American Diet) and how it turns us into sickly high-blood-pressure blobs that can’t get it up.

It’s up to you to decide. What’s more important, filling old Ronald McDonald’s pockets with your cash, or being able to get it up?

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Your Private Parts Are Telling You Something

Dudes out there, if things below the belt aren’t rising to the occasion, it’s time for a reality check. Of course, go to a medical professional. Take their advice if you think it’s right for you.

And think about what might be the root cause of the problem. Be proactive.

You either need:

• more sleep

• less stress

• emotional healing

• to stop drinking, smoking, or taking drugs

• to fix your diet and lose 10% of your body weight

Or maybe you need all of those things.

Go ahead and use those blue pills if you need to. Just think about it. Your check engine light is on.

What do you think might happen if you keep dropping blue pills in the tank instead of figuring it out?

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