9 Easy Ways to Master Stress and Empower Yourself
Take it on head first!
How are your stress levels?
For many, they are off the charts. It can make life unbearable.
Unfortunately, most of us can’t do any of these things:
Quit your job and live on a beach
Smash your iPhone with a sledgehammer
Start a golden retriever retreat
Go on a 10-year vacation in the Forest of Ubangme
So, what can we do about stress if we can't escape it?
Do we just soak in it like a hot dog left in a pot of water on the stove?
I Invite You to a Stress-reducing Experiment
Here are a few techniques that I begged, borrowed, stole, and invented. They have worked for me, and I have tried them all out in stressful workplace scenarios.
I’ve been in rooms with butthurt, emotional people. A few times, that was me.
I used these when talking to an angry client, and I’ve also used them when my workload was heavy and deadlines were approaching.
I’ve used all of these stress tools, and I’ve done better. I won’t lie to you and say these can fix everything. What they can do is reduce the stress to a level where you can get by.
These might work for you, too. Why not give them a shot?
Tough moment with the toddler? Try The Three Breath Grounder.
Flat tire? Use the Will It Matter In Two Months Method.
Going shopping at Walmart? The Superman/ Wonder Woman Method.
If you experiment with these, please let me know how it goes. Your comment on this post might help someone else who needs a boost.
1. The Three-Breath Grounder
When you're in the middle of an intense and stressful environment, using three deep breaths can be a powerful tool to help reduce stress and ground yourself.
Step away if possible. Or just become aware of your chest and stomach and stay where you are.
Take a deep breath in through your nose, focusing on drawing the breath deep into your lungs. Hold it for a few seconds.
Slowly exhale, and let your stomach relax.
Take two more slow, deliberate breaths and focus on the sensation of each inhale and exhale.
As you breathe, notice the sensations in your body, the sounds around you, and the feeling of your feet on the ground.
After the third deep breath, take a moment to check in with yourself. Notice any changes in how you feel—you may feel calmer or clearer.
This is an easy way to become mindful and present in the present moment. It works incredibly well in boring meetings!
You technically only have two minutes to live.
But every time you breathe, the timer restarts.
2. The Mandalorian Method
Actor Pedro Pascal has a specific trick he uses in intense situations to keep his anxiety under control. It’s very simple, and anyone can use it, not just Mandalorians like him.
He places one hand on his stomach and breathes slowly. He has been overheard explaining to his “Last Of Us” costar, Bella Ramsey, that “My anxiety is right here,” while patting his chest.
For best results, combine the hand on your chest, stomach, or arm with the 3-Breath Grounder. I guarantee this will help you.
3. The Laces Out Method
I knew a guy named Justin (not his real name) who used words as a weapon against himself:
”Ohhh, Justin! Why are you so stupid!”
“Justin! Why do you keep fucking up!”
We all hated the way Justin did this. It was uncomfortable and stressful.
That’s when I came up with the Laces Out Method.
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective: a football player should put the ball's laces on the side facing the goalposts when holding the ball for a kick.
Every time I saw Justin struggling with a tough situation, I said, “Justin! Laces out!” He would smile and stop mentally abusing himself for a second.
Soon, every time I saw him, Justin was saying, “Tim! Laces out!” when I came into the room. Everyone there was reaping the benefits of NOT hearing Justin bitching himself out. It made a huge difference in our days, and especially to Justin.
This is for work or home. You don’t have to use “Laces Out.” Create an inside joke to defuse tension. Pick a phrase to share when the going is tough, to encourage, to lighten the mood.
Make it into a mantra for yourself when the going is tough.
4. The Magic Question Morning Method
Sick of hearing about miracle mornings, morning routines, and special morning people who pop out of bed at 5:00 AM to do meditation and ninja yoga before composing a sonnet and rebuilding the engine on their Delorian?
Do this instead. Ask yourself a magic question.
A positive question will reframe your entire day and get your subconscious cranking!
“How can I make my husband (or girlfriend/ boyfriend/ wife/ spouse/ best friend/ boss/ son /daughter) smile today?”
“What can I do to have a good day at work?”
“What are my best qualities?”
“What are my sexiest attributes?”
“How can I make someone else’s day special?”
A leading question like this can transform your day.
It works because your subconscious loves to find answers. It wants to make someone else’s day, see what parts of you are sexy, and figure out how to get your kid to smile.
Your subconscious mind will move heaven and earth to answer your Magic Question.
5. Will It Matter In Two Months Method
This is a great way to reframe a situation you are struggling with. Imagine yourself two months from now. Will this problem still drive you nuts, or will it be all wrapped up and meaningless by then? You can go one step further and imagine you and a friend laughing about how serious you thought it was, how it was ruining your life and making you miserable, but it was, in reality, a pretty minor problem in the long term.
“Haha, remember that Inspection Test Plan I was struggling with, Luke?”
“No, I don’t remember the details of that meaningless PDF document, Tim. Did it change the world?”
“Nope! The world doesn’t even know about it! They don’t have a clue what an ITP even is. We printed off a hard copy and put it into that storage room they call the black hole!”
“Wow, I guess it wasn’t worth getting so bent of shape over then, was it?”
“No! Turns out it was almost meaningless in the scheme of things!”
6. The Happy Place Picture Method
Do you have a few pictures stored on your phone of happy times and places, your dog, your girlfriend, and pictures that make you smile every time you see them?
Print them off and frame them, set them as your background, or email them to yourself. Use them during your break to get your mind off of your troubles. Take a moment to actually look at the picture and feel the emotions it brings up.
7. The Cookie Jar Method
You can use David Goggins' cookie jar method to get through tough spots.
Here’s how that works.
Think of a few of your best achievements, memorable moments, and high points in your life. Then, when the going gets tough, pull one of these out of the cookie jar and go through it mentally, getting the feeling back and giving yourself a boost.
Some of my cookie jar moments:
Running a fundraiser for a local food bank and raising some cash and food
Published a book!
My 3-year-old daughter happily bouncing on the trampoline I just put together
A special day with friends backpacking in the Rockies
The look on my puppy’s face when I get home from work (I haven’t had this puppy for years, but it’s such a good memory)
8. The Glorious Purpose Method
You need to have a purpose in life. When you do things with a bigger purpose, you can find the strength to deal with all kinds of obstacles, including stresses that would normally put you over the edge.
A single parent who needs an income, for example, can find a way to get through a stressful work life because they have an overarching glorious purpose: they need to support their family.
A student who has to work part-time to pay for their schooling is much more engaged and able to deal with stress than a person who doesn’t need that money and could just quit.
But you don’t have to rely on outside purposes like these.
You can create your own purpose and use it to cope with stress and persevere.
I made up my own Glorious Purpose, which includes Health Coaching, helping others reach their full potential, and writing. In order to meet my goals, I need a day job to keep income rolling in. I can get through a lot of situations because everything I do is a means to an end, a way to fulfill my Glorious Purpose.
What is your Glorious Purpose? Why are you doing what you’re doing? Use that to reframe your experience.
If you have a purpose, and you keep it in mind during tough, stressful situations, you are no longer a victim. Now you’re an underdog, a hero, a survivor.
Hero’s and survivors are good at handling stress.
9. The Superman/ Wonder Woman Method
Super effective to use before you enter a tough or stressful situation:
When you are about to go Live Video on Substack
Confronting a roommate who keeps drinking the milk right out of the jug
Going into Walmart to pick up a few items
Getting ready to fight alien invaders with Batman
How to do it:
Stand somewhere that no one will bother you for two minutes. Put your hands on your hips and assume the Super Pose for 120 seconds. You instinctively know what this confident, powerful pose is.
Stand tall and look straight ahead.
Feel your power. You can handle anything!
The power pose lowers your cortisol levels and effectively reduces your stress level
Confidence rises
Cape untangles
Now walk into Walmart and kick that butt.
The Experiment
Would you like to join me? Look for opportunities this week to use one of these stress-reducing techniques. The possible outcomes are:
Have more fun
Reduce stress
Get better results in life
Another thing that can happen is that those around you will be slightly less stressed, too. And that is how we can make the world a better place.
Do you have any stress-reducing tips you’d like to add to my list? Share them in the comments!
I will attest to the deep breathing methods! I know it sounds woo but pausing and focusing on breath for even the shortest time is life-changing in a stressful situation.
For me, the jury is out on the "will it matter in two months" thing though. It depends what the situation is. Some things might be worse in two months if you don't get a handle on it immediately, of if ypu don't have the means to handle it.
These are great suggestions and I love that you included Amy Cuddy's video. I've called on her power stance many times over the years.
I often use the physiological sigh that I learned from Andrew Huberman which he explains in his podcast. His lab (I think it was his lab?) researched students during the pandemic and found it to be one of the most effective ways to decrease stress in real time. It's two inhales followed by one long exhale.